A Pitchfork Registry? What a great idea!

After all, if it just saves one (criminal’s) life, it’s worth it!

Hats off to Jim Foster of the Times & Transcript for his hilarious parody of the Firearms Act.

On the evening of December 4th, some asshole tried to invade the home of an 80-year-old widow.  He really didn’t care that she was home, that much was apparent by his refusing to stop trying to break into her house after she screamed repeatedly and turned on all the lights.

Finally, she grabbed a pitchfork and kept jamming it into the jerk until he finally left.  She then dialed 9-1-1 and God bless them, the police showed up and managed to arrest the guy, complete with wounds.

Given how the police hate it when anyone DARES defend themselves from criminals (as evidenced by one RCMP Sergeant commenting on how Laurie Manzer shouldn’t have done what he did) it is high time we created a pitchfork registry.

God only knows how many unlicensed pitchforks are out there.  And in the hands of little old ladies, at that?  Oh, the horror!!!!

Enter Jim Foster’s awesome sense of humour.  You gotta love this guy’s attitude.

In the eyes of we, the sheeple, if a pitchfork registry saves even one life, it will be worth it.

We, the sheeple, declare that henceforth all pitchforks, no matter how many tines they have, must be registered, but that’s just the start. After the nanny state has compiled a list of all the pitchfork owners and their pitchforks, it would then be a simple matter to take the next logical step: passing an edict that any pitchforks with more than three tines be deemed “restricted” pitchforks, meaning that they could only be brought out of their locked pitchfork safes to be taken directly to the manure pile and back again, but only after the pitchfork owner has visited his or her local constabulary to get an Authorization To Transport permit which would clearly state where the pitchfork may legally be taken, and between which hours of the day it is allowed to be out of its steel locker.

To read his complete article, just click here

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