The Nigerian Army, a land force of roughly 160,000 troops, recently dismissed 3,040 of those troops for crimes ranging from desertion and drunken and disorderly to rape and even murder.

While firing 3,040 troops from the army sounds like a lot, it’s only 1.9% of Nigeria’s Army, which is smaller than the percentage of Liberal Party of Canada MPs who are currently facing criminal charges or have been convicted of crimes in the past.

All sarcasm aside, some items on the Nigerian Army Purge read as lot like a Saturday Night Live comedy sketch.

• misconduct,
• indiscipline,
• desertion,
• possession of hard drugs,
• rape
• murder
• cowardice,
• forgery,
• drunkenness,
• poor performance,
• disobedience to orders,
• absence from duty/parade
• failure to perform military duty
• Bank Verification Number issues,
• vetting problems,
• insubordination,
• civil offence,
• extortion,
• defilement
• conduct prejudicial to service
• conspiracy,
• ‘misfire,’
• stealing,
• impersonation,
• attempted rape,
• assault,
• unlawful release of prisoners
• cheating
• Over 1,000 soldiers were discharged for AWOL (Away Without Leave)
• having foreign spouses,
• pregnancy without marriage,
• attempting to have sex with a colleague’s wife,
• hiding from the enemy,
• attending civilian burials in military uniforms,
• negligence,
• loss of ammunition,
• theft of rifles,
• sleeping on sentry duty,
• travelling without a pass;