Bad things can happen while carelessly playing with a loaded handgun.

And when you’re a convicted felon illegally possessing that loaded handgun, well, fear is a pretty normal emotion to feel when you shoot yourself in the hand and you stand there watching the hole in your hand bleed all over the floor.

This is the stuff projectile vomiting is made of, especially when you can’t stand the sight of your own blood!

So you swallow down the bile threatening to climb up your throat, grab your keys and drive yourself to the Emergency Room at the nearest hospital.

Since you suffered a gunshot wound, the attending physician calls the police to report your situation despite all your attempts to tell him the cops don’t need to be involved.

A police officer arrives and, well, that’s when things start to get even more screwed up than they already are.

Since you can’t admit the illegal handgun was yours and that you shot yourself with it, you tell the nice police officer a tiny little fib.

‘I was carjacked,’ you say, ‘and the dirtbag who stole my truck shot me in the hand anyway. I barely escaped the nightmare with my life!’

Except there was no carjacking.

And the only dirtbag in the room is you.

And the cop, well, he ain’t buying the bovine excrement you’re selling.

And that was before he learned the white Chevrolet Blazer parked smack dab in front of the Emergency Room entrance belongs to you.

But you stick to your story because, well, it’s all you got, right?  The hole’s already dug.  Might as well dig just a little deeper and see what happens, right?

But that darned police officer… He just won’t let it go. He keeps badgering you and browbeating you until you just can’t help yourself…. you cave to the pressure and finally admit that yes, Nice Mr. Policeman, I was ‘just cleaning my gun‘ when the darned thing ‘just went off‘ and shot me right through the hand.

It wasn’t my fault, you add, because playing the victim card just comes so natural to you.

But now you’ve got a whole lot more ‘splaining to do since you’ve lied to the nice police officer a whole a bunch, and being lied to just makes that police officer so darned ornery. It’s like he ain’t got no sense of humour at all!

Your story quickly unravels from there when pressured by police because, well, they know you’re an idiot and they’re not stopping until you tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

And you’re also going to be a guest of the state for a while because judges don’t like idiots any better than those nice police officers.

Such is the sad story of a 32-year-old man from New Boston on April 22, 2021.

 

The original news report was boring, so I hope you enjoyed my little foray into the mind of this fool and his negligent discharge.