For two weeks, gun owners have tried and tried to get the Minister of Public Safety, the man responsible for the RCMP, to answer one simple question.

“Minister Blair, is the RCMP’s letter to gun owners a Firearm Registration Certificate Revocation letter?”

For two weeks Bill Blair and the RCMP refused to answer this simple question.

Then, miraculously, on the Friday afternoon of a long weekend, the RCMP published an update to their website that admits their $5 million letter is nothing but a useless piece of nonsense.

What no Canadians knew, what Hansard refused to publish and the media refused to report, was this Hidden Until Now transcript of a heretofore unknown session of the House of Commons.

Now, for your reading pleasure, here is what I believe is the real reason the RCMP published their little update yesterday afternoon: my imaginary take on Pierre Poilievre raking Public Safety Minister Bill Blair of the coals for the incompetence of RCMP brass supposedly under his direct supervision and control.

Hon. Pierre Poilievre (Carleton):

“Mr. Speaker, the RCMP’s latest letter to Restricted firearm owners is very confusing.

“It walks like a Firearm Registration Certificate Revocation Letter. It talks like a Registration Certificate Revocation Letter but it goes to great pains to say it is NOT a Registration Certificate Revocation Letter.

“It appears, Mr. Speaker, that the RCMP, under the direction of this Liberal government, is attempting to deprive Canadians of due process of law and strip them of their right to appeal bureaucratic decisions.

“Section 72 of the Firearms Act specifies the form a Restricted Firearm Registration Certificate Revocation Letter must take, Mr. Speaker. This letter meets none of those requirements, yet it’s possible it is a revocation letter.

“If this is a Registration Certificate Revocation Letter, owners of these firearms have a 30-day window from the date they received the letter in which to file a Section 74 Reference Hearing, as provided for in the Firearms Act.

“So, Mr. Speaker, I call on the Minister of Public Safety, as the Minister responsible for the RCMP and the current nonsense emanating from it, to answer a simple question.

“Minister, is the RCMP’s letter to owners of formerly Restricted class firearms prohibited by his May 1st gun ban a Firearm Registration Certificate Revocation Letter?

“Yes or No.”

Hon. Bill Blair (Scarborough Southwest):

“Mr. Speaker, we have been clear from the start. We will do whatever it takes to keep Canadians safe. If that means lying to them, stripping them of their civil rights, stripping them of their legal rights, so be it. The Liberal Party is the Party of the Charter and we can tear it up of we so choose.”

Hon. Pierre Poilievre (Carleton):

“I’ll repeat the question, Mr. Speaker. Minister, is it a Firearm Registration Certificate Revocation Letter? Yes or No.”

Hon. Bill Blair (Scarborough Southwest):

“Mr. Speaker, as I announced repeatedly for the past three years, we have invested in Canada Border Services Agency to stop illegal guns from crossing our border from that nasty and spiteful nation to the south. While reports of my slashing the CBSA’s budget are accurate, that fact only matters if one cares about the truth, something I can assure you neither I nor any other member on this side of the House give a crap about.”

Hon. Pierre Poilievre (Carleton):

“Mr. Speaker, while I appreciate the member opposite’s uncharacteristic candor on the subject of border funding, I fear the member suffers from hearing loss, so I’ll repeat the question for the third time, Mr. Speaker.

“Minister of Public Safety, is the RCMP’s latest costly and moronic missive a Firearm Registration Certificate Revocation Letter? Yes or No.”

Hon. Bill Blair (Scarborough Southwest):

“Mr. Speaker, make him stop.  Please!  Make him STOP!”

Hon. Pierre Poilievre (Carleton):

“Mr. Speaker, submit I will stop asking inconvenient questions when this government starts respecting the civil rights of Canadians.”

Witnesses to this unknown session of the House of Commons claim the Minister of Public Safety then ran from the House of Commons at this point, screaming for his mommy to make the Bad Man go away.

Unfortunately, none of these witnesses were willing to go on record due to rules stating you cannot reference whether a particular Member is present or absent the House.