When you break the law in Canada, be it one of our many firearm laws or some other section of the Criminal Code, how you are treated by our justice system depends solely upon your legal status at the time of your offence.
What’s the colour of the stripe running down your pant legs?
What? No stripe? Then may God have mercy on you because Canada’s justice system certainly won’t.
It’s a simple system.
Our betters prefer it that way.
Justice System Door Number One
If you are one of the privileged few who wear a badge, a gun and pants with a stripe down the legs (any colour will do, although Yellow wins you extra special treatment), your justice will be dispensed through Door Number One.
For those lucky and privileged participants who qualify, the so-called justice meted out through Door Number One is quite brilliant. A slap on the wrist is your typical penalty. If your offence was particularly egregious, meaning you embarrassed Someone Important, then you could face the loss of a few day’s pay.
The sting is short-lived, thankfully, and before you know it you are right back where you started, handing out tickets to those pesky mere citizens who clamoured for your incarceration. Serves them right, right?
The following cases deliver the appropriate enlightenment:
- Toronto Police Service Constables Edward Ing and John Cruz – these members beat the crap out of Richard Moore and were sentenced to house arrest. Mere Citizen, don’t think you’ll get off so easy. House arrest is reserved for the privileged classes only.
- RCMP Cpl Monty Robinson killed Robert Dziekanski and Orion Hutchinson, was kept on the RCMP payroll for over four years and finally resigned after playing the race card. He was sentenced to one month of house arrest and a whopping 11 months probation.
- RCMP Constable Geoff Mantler walked free on his first assault charge but was forced to plead guilty to his second after brutally kicking Buddy Tavares in the face. But don’t fear, dear reader, Mantler never spent a single day in prison. While 18 months probation seems excessive for almost killing a man, his case embarrassed the RCMP brass who initially defended his indefensible actions. hence the extended probation.
- RCMP Staff Sergeant Stuart Seib stole cocaine from the police lockup and received a suspended sentence and community service. Kid’s don’t try this at home. When mere citizens steal drugs from the police lockup, they get really, really angry.
- Daniel Daudet stole six handguns from his RCMP detachment. Punishment: Conditional Discharge. Kids, don’t try this one at home either. You may never see sunlight again.
For more fun examples, check out these categories here at ChristopherDiArmani.com:
What about relatives of police officers?
Oh, I’m so pleased you asked!
Canada is happy to extend the special treatment afforded by the justice system’s family plan when you’re the son of a cop when you’re busted with an illegal handgun.
I’ve written about more examples of the family plan but, to be frank, I don’t have the energy to hunt them down just now. Maybe tomorrow.
Justice System Door Number Two
If you are an unfortunate lesser being – a mere citizen of Canada at the time of your arrest – your justice will be dispensed through Door Number Two. Nothing good comes when you are shuffled off through Door Number Two.
At a minimum, you will face an expensive trial. If you had any life savings before your trial began, you won’t when it’s done. On the bright side, you typically won’t have to worry about making the rent or buying food. Both those luxuries will be provide for you, courtesy of The Almighty State.
In the unlikely event you win your case you still lose, for the process is the punishment. Just ask any of these poor slobs.
- Ian Thomson
- Peter Sedge
- Henry Barnes
- Jonathan Login
- Allen Carlos
- David and Amanda Lind
- John Rew
- John St. Amour
- Lawrence Manzer
- Travis Bader of Silvercore Training Systems. Read the pathetic note the RCMP calls a Letter of Apology for attempting to ruin him, his family and his business.
There are more, but that will keep you reading in disgust for the next hour or two.
Not one of these men took a loaded handgun with them to the mall and forgot it on a chair. Nor did they sell cocaine while on duty or steal guns from mere citizens after their homes were evacuated before a flood or after a massive fire destroyed much of their town.
Being mere citizens, mostly.
When In Doubt
Should you, dear reader, find yourself in the awkward position of trying to figure out whether you are privileged or not, please follow this simple test. It won’t take but a second or two.
Look at the outside seam of your pants. If you see a two-inch stripe down your pant leg (any colour will suffice) you’re in great shape. Should you somehow manage to get caught committing any of a hundred criminal offences you will be served through Door Number One.
If you do NOT see a two-inch stripe down the outside seam of your pant leg, however, you’d best mind your P’s and Q’s. Even the slightest infraction will see you escorted brusquely and directly to Door Number Two.
Nothing good ever happens on the other side of Door Number Two.
[UPDATE 2020-07-10 10:08] Corrected Monty Robinson’s rank. He was a corporal, not a sergeant as I incorrectly identified him originally.